IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays more and more people are buying products and services on credit. Is it good or bad for the society?

#people #products #services #credit #society
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It has become increasingly common
that
Correct word choice
for
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 many
people
Use synonyms
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
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products
Use synonyms
 or something because of advertisements or celebrities .Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is good and reliable .
However
Linking Words
 ,
personally
Add a comma
personally,
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 I think we should have evaluation about
products
Use synonyms
 .In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 we discuss these problems. No one can deny the fact that
products
Use synonyms
 in advertisements
always
Add a missing verb
are always
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 attractive with benefits which we need , but we should look at
immediate
Correct article usage
the immediate
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 positive it really
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 into reality The immediate result produces is we have
selection
Add an article
a selection
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about
Change preposition
of
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products
Use synonyms
 and model sensible purchasing
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, perhaps the most obvious result of
that is
Linking Words
 make financial decisions and save for costly purchases.Nothing could be more apparent than evidence that In the USA,
people
Use synonyms
 usually buy something in
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
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 season because they can control their
money
Use synonyms
 and
saving much
Wrong verb form
save a lot of
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money
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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products
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 television or
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. .
By contrast
Linking Words
 , it is a risk
due to
Linking Words
 overdependence on cost . it always
quality
Add an article
the quality
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 of
products
Use synonyms
 On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand , one thing which is equally important is that we usually
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
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 something because
idol
Change preposition
of idol
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 or celebrities and spend much currency
to
Change preposition
on
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 them but do not have
a
Change the article
an
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 aim,
this
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for
we
Rephrase
why we
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 do not control disposable income and increase personal debt .
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 reduce
to
Change preposition
apply
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quality .The most familiar example of
this
Linking Words
 is In Vietnam , more popular
people
Use synonyms
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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take charge of large
money
Use synonyms
 because
Correct pronoun usage
their behavior
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
Use synonyms
money
Add an article
the money
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of
Replace the word
off
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 them .
By contrast
Linking Words
 , we should
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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make financial decisions to balance quality of life and consumer
products
Use synonyms
avoid
Correct word choice
and avoid
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buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 something really cheap but
it
Correct your spelling
is
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 not good. In conclusion , when buying something on credit , it depend on many facts and possession
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have to buy for suitable , and can strategies to control disposable income or tax
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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coherence cohesion
Your response lacks clarity in its structure and fails to properly address the prompt about credit and its effect on society. To improve cohesion, ensure your ideas follow a logical sequence and each paragraph has a clear central topic. Introduction and conclusion sections should explicitly address the topic and summarize your argument. Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences and support each point with relevant examples or explanations.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt but does not provide a clear and complete response to the question of buying on credit and its implications for society. You should focus on developing your main ideas more thoroughly, providing specific examples that are directly related to the topic. Make sure your ideas directly answer the question and provide a reasoned argument, rather than simply listing observations.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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