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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people encourage watching sports as a way of learning about teamwork and strategy, while others believe that one can learn these skills only through playing sports. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sports #teamwork #strategy #skills
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It is irrefutable that,
Sports
Use synonyms
 play a pertinent role in everyone's life, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
teaches
Correct subject-verb agreement
teach
show examples
 a lot. Few individuals perceive
sports
Use synonyms
 watching as a way of equipping themselves with new skills like teamwork and strategy,
while
Linking Words
 other claims about learning them by playing actual
sports
Use synonyms
.
Though both
Correct word choice
Both
show examples
 statements do have their own perspectives, which
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will be discussing in the
looming
Correct word choice
following
show examples
 paragraphs. Commencing with the former verdict, the entertainment industry earns billions of dollars in revenue annually, with
such
Linking Words
 huge dividends from the multiple customers, plenty of humans love to entertain themselves by watching
sports
Use synonyms
 in order to learn a few key skills of life. To be more specific, numerous spectators do have profound observation skills, which empowers them to make an analysis of the player's teamwork and playing strategy.
For instance
Linking Words
, in a football match, viewers observe the team formation and the teamwork backboned by the captain.
On the contrary
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, practical experience is certainly different from theoretical knowledge, ,
Similarly
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 few masses learn until their own senses come into play, which enables them to experience the reality of the situation and pushes them to take immediate actions for the team. It is researched by scientists that, people with the presence of mind and under pressure push them to move their limbs to use their senses and learn practically. In a nutshell, though both statements carry a distinct set of mindset individuals, I opine to have a potent skill
while
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 playing
sports
Use synonyms
 and it is proven to be beneficial for players with additional benefits
such
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 as physical fitness.
Submitted by pranav10puri on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. The introduction and conclusion need improvement for better coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Your response does not fully address the prompt. It would be beneficial to provide more comprehensive ideas with relevant examples to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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