IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the expenditure on three categories among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#expenditure #three #categories #age #groups #residents #uk #summaries #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line chart shows the spending of citizens in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in the UK in 2004, containing the comparison of three different categories.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the proportion of spending on Food and Drink increasing by the
age
Use synonyms
 groups gradually
while
Linking Words
 the other two
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a disordered trend. Looking at the information in more detail, older people spent the most in the Food and drink category, making up nearly 23%,
while
Linking Words
 younger citizens spent less.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the spending on entertainment rose with the
age
Use synonyms
 from the first
group
Use synonyms
 to the fourth
group
Use synonyms
 but jumped to approximately 12% for the
last
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the spending on
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 and
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
 shows a
basically
Change the adverb
basic
show examples
 drop trend with the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 raises, except for the special 61-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. 61-75
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 show the largest gap in different categories, who spent most in entertainment and spent least in
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
restaurants
 and hotel when compared to different
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Submitted by 2272219839 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: