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Writing Samples
Band 7

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

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Health services are essential for everyone, and access to
quality
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care
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 is a fundamental need.
While
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 there are some drawbacks associated with private
healthcare
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, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand, a potential disadvantage of private
healthcare
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maybe
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may be
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 its high cost, which can make essential services unaffordable for lower-income individuals.
This
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 often leads to inequalities in
healthcare
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 access and outcomes, where wealthier patients benefit from premium services
while
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 others face financial barriers. Another perceived negative is that private
healthcare
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 may place profit over patient
care
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. The focus on profitability could lead to unnecessary treatments or even neglect of cases that may not be financially rewarding, which can create ethical issues in prioritizing
care
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 based on income rather than medical urgency.
On the other hand
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, a primary advantage of private
healthcare
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 is that it often provides an enhanced
quality
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 of
care
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. With access to advanced technology, skilled professionals, and shorter waiting times, private facilities can ensure a better patient experience and improved health outcomes. A
further
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 benefit is that private
healthcare
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 can offer personalized treatment options. Patients in private facilities typically receive more individual attention from
healthcare
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 practitioners, which can result in more tailored treatment plans and,
consequently
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, a higher
quality
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 of
care
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. On balance, it is true that private
healthcare
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 may seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances, particularly regarding accessibility and ethical concerns.
However
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, in my view, its positive effects,
such
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 as improved
quality
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 of
care
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 and personalized treatment, override the disadvantages. Private
healthcare
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 not only raises the standard of
care
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 available but
also
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 encourages advancements that can benefit the
healthcare
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 system as a whole.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments, such as statistical data or real-world instances.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and concise topic sentence to improve the clarity of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly introduces the topic and presents a balanced argument.
logical structure
Coherent structure with logical flow between paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cutting-edge technology
  • highly skilled professionals
  • patient experience
  • outcomes
  • personalized care
  • healthcare practitioners
  • competition
  • standards
  • government burden
  • public funds
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disparities
  • profitability
  • over-treatment
  • neglect
  • non-profitable cases
  • ethical concerns
  • financial status
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