Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

It has been increasing the number of
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
all over the world
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
years.
Therefore
some view that nothing can be done to prevent it.
Personlly
Correct your spelling
Personally
, I disagree with
this
by several factors. The main reason for perpetrators committing
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
is lack of earnings. Based on the record most of the time as the volatile of the living coast, the number of thieves is rising.
Due to
this
factor, the government should conduct training for society in government vocational training
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
.
For example
, cooking class, automotive, sewing,
computer
Correct word choice
and computer
show examples
. In the long
run
Add a comma
,run
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human development will be increasing,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
a
result
Add the comma(s)
,result
show examples
the income per capita will
experiene
Correct your spelling
experience
the same, and most importantly by
this
situation
Add a comma
,situation
show examples
the rate of
crime
will fall. Conducting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vocational training is a sensible measurement towards preventing criminal cases. Another step to cut down
crime
is by providing rehabilitation for
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
show examples
. It cannot be denied that most
crime
is done by the same criminal
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they do not have
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
to do for
living
Correct article usage
a living
show examples
after being jailed. Based on the newspaper some
perpetrator
Fix the agreement mistake
perpetrators
show examples
in Middle Java being a
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
after
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
asimilation
Correct your spelling
assimilation
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of preparation for surviving outside the world.
As a result
, jail is not a cruel place, since they assume that it is better for living in a jail with routine
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
and facilities. If the jail
commit
Change the verb form
commits
show examples
to
prepare
Change the verb form
preparing
show examples
prisoner
surviving
Change the verb form
to survive
show examples
in the real world by skill class, religion and
social
Replace the word
society
show examples
, the number of
criminal
Change to a plural noun
criminals
show examples
will be decreased. In conclusion,
although
some view that
criminal
Replace the word
crime
show examples
cannot be
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
, personally I believe that it cannot be done by several
measurement
Fix the agreement mistake
measurements
show examples
for the large society and perpetrator. The government should step a practical approach to prevent it.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: