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Writing Samples
Band 5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
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The given line chart demonstrates the percentages of the
population
Use synonyms
 who were
or
Correct word choice
apply
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older than 65 years old in three different countries, and their estimated proportion in the future from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, Sweden has the most significant proportion of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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, but, Japan's elder
population
Use synonyms
 will take over the leading status in 2030. Both the USA and Sweden followed
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 upward trend from 1940 to the present. The ratio of the elder
population
Use synonyms
 in the USA is around 15 per cent which is 3% less than their Sweden counterpart. Both of the countries will increase moderately to over 20% from now to 2040.
Moreover
Linking Words
, between 1990 to 2015, the elder
population
Use synonyms
 of the USA
constant
Add a missing verb
was constant
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 at 14% which was remarkable. Before 2010, the proportion of the community who were aged 65 and higher was around 4-5 per cent per year.
Then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increased moderately from 2010 to the present
,
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and will increase
expontentialy
Correct your spelling
exponentially
 to 25% in the middle of 2030s.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderately" was used 2 times.
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