Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowsaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
,many developed countries generally invest in more sophisticated medical
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
and procedures rather than
health
education.
Although
both subjects are quite important, there will have various views among
people
on which ones to be spent when comparing against each other and setting the national budget. First of all, the purpose of spending the
health
budget is to keep the citizens fit and healthy.
Due to
the popularity and effectiveness of advanced
technology
and enhanced procedures,
people
are more interested in doing experiments and testing those essential
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
techs and procedures
although
resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
vast amount of money spent. In terms of considering long terms benefits, spending on
technology
can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost in future because successful
technology
can save
people
time
and labour by finding out the source of diseases and effective medicine and machine to cure
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
time
.Some
technology
can perform the things which
human
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humans
show examples
cannot be able to do manually
such
as brain surgery. Even
humans
Correct word choice
if humans
show examples
are capable to perform, it will involve more risks.
On the other hand
, performing research can be costly and it is required a lot of
time
and effort of
people
.
Additionally
,not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experiments can be successful at one
time
in reality and they are more likely to try trials and errors more than once.Some basic and common problems can be
sloved
Correct your spelling
solved
by promoting
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
awareness and getting
people
educated in terms of
health
problems
such
as obesity. It is compulsory to do for the nation to have the citizen's
health
awareness to keep
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
their best condition.
For instance
, the majority of
people
are having weight more than healthy BMI in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
which is a developed country. To overcome
this
issue,
people
need
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
and education to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise and reduce the consumption of fast food. In conclusion, I strongly agree that developed countries should spend more on
health
education by considering
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of
people
's problems.
Submitted by khinezinthant.choo on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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