IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most developed countries spend a large proportion of their health budgets on expensive medical technology and procedures.This money should be spent instead on health education to keep people well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowsaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
,many developed countries generally invest in more sophisticated medical
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 and procedures rather than
health
Use synonyms
 education.
Although
Linking Words
 both subjects are quite important, there will have various views among
people
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 on which ones to be spent when comparing against each other and setting the national budget. First of all, the purpose of spending the
health
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 budget is to keep the citizens fit and healthy.
Due to
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 the popularity and effectiveness of advanced
technology
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 and enhanced procedures,
people
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 are more interested in doing experiments and testing those essential
Use synonyms
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 techs and procedures
although
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 resulting
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
vast amount of money spent. In terms of considering long terms benefits, spending on
technology
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 can save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost in future because successful
technology
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 can save
people
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time
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 and labour by finding out the source of diseases and effective medicine and machine to cure
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
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time
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.Some
technology
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 can perform the things which
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 cannot be able to do manually
such
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 as brain surgery. Even
humans
Correct word choice
if humans
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 are capable to perform, it will involve more risks.
On the other hand
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, performing research can be costly and it is required a lot of
time
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 and effort of
people
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.
Additionally
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,not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
experiments can be successful at one
time
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 in reality and they are more likely to try trials and errors more than once.Some basic and common problems can be
sloved
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solved
 by promoting
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people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 awareness and getting
people
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 educated in terms of
health
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 problems
such
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 as obesity. It is compulsory to do for the nation to have the citizen's
health
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 awareness to keep
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 their best condition.
For instance
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, the majority of
people
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 are having weight more than healthy BMI in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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 which is a developed country. To overcome
this
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 issue,
people
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 need
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and education to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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exercise and reduce the consumption of fast food. In conclusion, I strongly agree that developed countries should spend more on
health
Use synonyms
 education by considering
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the majority of
people
Use synonyms
's problems.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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