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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph
depict
Change the verb form
depicts

The plural verb depict does not appear to agree with the singular subject The graph. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the average percentages in some specific meals of three
differents
Correct your spelling
different

The word differents doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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 of nutrients, namely
sodium
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, saturated fat and added sugar. These are bad for health if people consume too much.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is clear from the information provided that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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breakfast was the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 of all three. The consumption for dinner was the highest
proportion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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sodium
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and saturated fat,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 snacks
was
Change the verb form
were

The singular verb was does not appear to agree with the plural subject snacks. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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 the highest
proportion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 added sugar. Looking first at the
sodium
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and saturated fat, dinner has the highest
proportion
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, which accounts for 43% and 37% respectively. The snacks and breakfast were the same at 14% in
sodium
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 they were much higher in the figure for saturated fat, accounting for 21% and 16% respectively. Turning to the remaining item, there are 42%
snacks
Change preposition
of snacks

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 from added sugar, which is the largest percentage. Following it, dinner is in second place, being 23%. The proportions for breakfast and lunch were 16% and 19% respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrients
  • unhealthy
  • typical meals
  • percentages
  • saturated fats
  • fibers
  • sugars
  • impact
  • average
  • consumption
  • trends
  • breakfast
  • lunch
  • dinner
  • highest
  • lowest
  • variation
  • implications
  • balanced diet
  • recommendations
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