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Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #business #company #organisation
It is becoming increasingly common for
people
 to decide to start their own
business
 rather than
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 for a company or organization.
Although
 there are some advantages to their own
business
, I believe that the drawbacks often
outweighs
Change the verb form
outweigh
show examples
 any benefits. There are two main
favour
Fix the agreement mistake
favours
show examples
 of starting their own
business
. The immediate result it produces is they can control all things. Perhaps the most obvious result of
that is
people
 are able to earn money to improve their lives and achieve financial freedom. A better example of
this
 can be best provided by start-up companies in Vietnam. A number of them controlled their
business
 and became successful in their field. A
further
 advantage is that you will have experience.
This
 will exert a far-reaching influence on their knowledge to get to be professional. Mark Zuckerberg is generally
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an example of starting a
business
 to become one of the most famous companies
on over
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world.
On the other hand
, shopping for certain things on the Internet has several points of danger. The main one is finding clients or customers. The solution to
this
 problem involves many factors like they can't earn any money.
Therefore
, it is hard to maintain their
business
. The most familiar example of
this
 is Yahoo- the most popular social company in the 2010s but could not find enough clients so it failed. The other disadvantage is the difficulty of maintaining living standards. It may give rise to several problems
such
 as becoming more responsible, it
also
 causes
people
come
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to be stressed and depressed. In Japan, they want to maintain their
business
 so they live their life like a competition and in
this
 country the density of
people
 who suicide the most. All in all, I think that the disadvantages of starting their own
business
 are greater than the advantages.
However
, someone who wants to be a master or wants to challenge themselves,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can try that.
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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Task Achievement
Address the prompt directly and provide a well-structured response that covers all aspects of the topic in detail. Support your points with relevant examples and explanations.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Use appropriate linking devices and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely. Pay attention to word choice and use academic vocabulary when appropriate.
Grammatical Range
Make sure to demonstrate a wide range of grammatical structures. Check for errors in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and sentence structure.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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