IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The bar char below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about regular
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 in both male and female gender from Australia in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that women are the most active gender in every
stages
Change to a singular noun
stage
show examples
 of
age
Use synonyms
 with exception of the youngsters. It is noticeable that men did
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
 physical activity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the early
age
Use synonyms
 of 15 to 24 years old, reaching a feature of 52,8
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
this
Linking Words
 was not the highest figure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the graph.
It is clear that
Linking Words
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 workout was the highest in ages 15 to 24, followed by the groups over 65 and 55 to 64, respectively.
Also
Linking Words
 noteworthy is between
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 35 to 44, males reached the lowest point of the bar chart with 39,5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, women had always been regular athletes in almost every group
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, except the first one where a percentage of 47, 7 is presented.
Lastly
Linking Words
, data is
also
Linking Words
 given about the
last
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group where there is very little difference between the genders.
Submitted by acarina.simoes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: