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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
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The given pie chart illustrates the
water
Use synonyms
consumption
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 ratio on three aims of six different regions in the world.
Overall
Linking Words
, the region of Central Asia is the most dominant agricultural
water
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 consumer,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
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Europe
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 is the leader
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
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consumption
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 for Industrial purposes. Many areas
use
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water
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 mostly for
cultivative
Correct your spelling
cultivation
cultivating
 activities
such
Linking Words
 as Central Asia, Africa, Sout East Asia and South
America
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, with 88%, 84%, 81% and 71%, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, whilst its all counterparts
use
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 only less than %10
water
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 for domestic issues, South
America
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 has the biggest ratio of domestic
water
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consumption
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 with 19%. The remaining two
territory
Change to a plural noun
territories
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, North
America
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 and
Europe
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use
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 their around
the
Correct article usage
apply
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half of
water
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 resources
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 industrial activities.
While
Linking Words
Europe
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's industrial
use
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 is 53%, North
America
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's industrial
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 is less
5
Change preposition
than 5
show examples
% than
Europe
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. These companies placed second (
Europe
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) and third places (North
America
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) for domestic usage after South
America
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 which is the leader
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 domestic
water
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consumption
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.
Submitted by historicalpen on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, europe, use, america with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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