IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.

The chart below shows the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
#percentage #water #purposes #six #areas #world
The given pie chart illustrates the
water
consumption
 ratio on three aims of six different regions in the world.
Overall
, the region of Central Asia is the most dominant agricultural
water
 consumer,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
Europe
 is the leader
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water
consumption
 for Industrial purposes. Many areas
use
water
 mostly for
cultivative
Correct your spelling
cultivation
cultivating
 activities
such
 as Central Asia, Africa, Sout East Asia and South
America
, with 88%, 84%, 81% and 71%, respectively.
However
, whilst its all counterparts
use
 only less than %10
water
 for domestic issues, South
America
 has the biggest ratio of domestic
water
consumption
 with 19%. The remaining two
territory
Change to a plural noun
territories
show examples
, North
America
 and
Europe
use
 their around
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
water
 resources
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 industrial activities.
While
Europe
's industrial
use
 is 53%, North
America
's industrial
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 is less
5
Change preposition
than 5
show examples
% than
Europe
. These companies placed second (
Europe
) and third places (North
America
) for domestic usage after South
America
 which is the leader
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 domestic
water
consumption
.
Submitted by historicalpen on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, consumption, europe, use, america with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: