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Band 5

In spite of advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
Since the industrial revolution happened, the cultivation industry faced many progresses both in
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 and quantity of its
products
. Despite these improvements,
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 many countries all around the globe are suffering from starvation. In
this
 essay, I will discuss some of the reasons behind
this
 issue and
also
 suggest possible solutions to encounter it.
To begin
 with, there are countless
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
yields all around the world. Most of them
utilizing
Wrong verb form
utilise
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 new methods and technologies in order to mass produce their
products
.
However
, for some
reasons
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reason
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, there is a shortage of
food
 supply globally.
Firstly
, the accessibility to modern technologies is not disputed equally.
In other words
, many farmers, especially
working
Correct pronoun usage
those working
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 in underdeveloped and poor countries, still rely on
old
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the old
an old
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 traditional way of cultivation which makes their crops highly vulnerable to any problem.
Secondly
,
due to
keep
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keeping
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 the prices of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
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agricultural
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products
 stable, many of the mass producers destroy a large
quantity
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number
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 of their crops annually.
For example
, the United States is the
man
Correct your spelling
main
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 producer of corn in the world.
However
, in order to keep the
demands
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demand
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 for its crops high globally, they throw tons of
their
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its
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products
 into the sea.
Consequently
, there will always be some sort of
shortages
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shortage
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, especially, in
the
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apply
show examples
poor African countries.
Nevertheless
, despite all deficiencies, there is still hope to find solutions to help hungry
peoples
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people
show examples
. First and foremost,
in
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on
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 a global scale, there should be a well-organized
food
 supply plan to support all poor societies.
This
 approach could start first in the United
Nation’s
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Nations
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Food
organization
Correct your spelling
Organization
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, and
then
being
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be
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 approved as a regulation for all governments to follow the instruction.
In addition
, governments have to increase their supervision
on
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of
show examples
food
 prices combined with
allocation
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the allocation
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 of
food
subsidy
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subsidies
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 in poor areas to make sure everyone could afford enough
meal
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meals
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 there are many improvements in agriculture technologies, still many peoples
due to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
inequality in
distribution
Add an article
the distribution
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 of resources suffer from starvation. To encounter
this
 problem, national organizations with the help of the governments could play a crucial role to solve the obstacle.
Submitted by m.lotfipour92 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
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