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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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The par chart illustrates the opinions of people about
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea purchasing and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
Overall
Linking Words
,
went
Wrong verb form
going
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 to
Add an article
a cafe
the cafe
show examples
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Hobart
Use synonyms
 and
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 was significantly higher and in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 was slightly lower,
while
Linking Words
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 fluctuated in all cities
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
although
Linking Words
, bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 had the lowest in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 . Went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks and noticed that
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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each
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the highest number just over 63%
Use synonyms
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of city residents in
Melbourne
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 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the low
in
Add a missing verb
was in
show examples
Sydney
Use synonyms
 61% proportion,even though was 55%
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 and approximately 50%
percentage
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide ,
whereas
Linking Words
 bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks was fluctuating 45%
percentage
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 around 48%
percentage
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 in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 after that had risen to just over 53% proportion in
Brisbane
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 and
Hobart
Use synonyms
 54%
percentage
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,
then
Linking Words
 low to 50%
percentage
Use synonyms
 in Adelaide .
By contrast
Linking Words
,bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks had the lowest in
Brisbane
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 and Adelaide
percentage
Use synonyms
 approximately 34% ,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 rises to just over 38% per cent in
Hobart
Use synonyms
,and the next rate remained stable at around 42% per cent in
Melbourne
Use synonyms
 and just below
Sydney
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percentage
Use synonyms
 44%.
Submitted by Zozororo923 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, hobart, melbourne, sydney, brisbane, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 8 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 3 times.
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