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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people of different age groups who went to cinema once a month or more in one European country from 2000 to 2011

The chart below shows the percentage of people of different age groups who went to cinema once a month or more in one European country from 2000 to 2011
#percentage #people #age #groups #cinema #month #european #country
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The given line graph illustrates the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 of distinct
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 going to the cinema in one European country over a period of 11 years between 2000 and 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 there was an upward trend in the figure for
people
Use synonyms
 of distinct
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 who went to the cinema in
this
Linking Words
 country during the whole period shown.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 - 24
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 is
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
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 in most other
groups
Use synonyms
. In terms of all four line
graph
Fix the agreement mistake
graphs
show examples
, there were under 20% of
audience
Add an article
the audience
show examples
 of different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000.
Although
Linking Words
, the human
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15 - 24
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
 still hit a peak.
The
Change preposition
At the
show examples
 end of
Correct article usage
the periods
show examples
periods
Fix the agreement mistake
period
show examples
, the proportion of
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 of 35 and over
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 finished low at approximately 10%.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 - 24
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 witnessed a growth stood at over 50%, the remaining two
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
seen
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
 an increase to the range of 20 - 30%.
Submitted by joyce.ta213 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cinema-going
  • Attendance
  • Frequency
  • Demographics
  • Trends
  • Percentage
  • Fluctuations
  • Technological advancements
  • Streaming services
  • Leisure activity
  • Data analysis
  • Decrease/increase
  • Age groups: Teenagers, Young adults, Middle-aged, Seniors
  • Periodic comparison
  • Socioeconomic factors
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