IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Do you believe that celebrities are ill-treated by the media, or is this the price they have to pay for their stardom? Regardless of fame, should their privacy be respected or not? What is your opinion?

#celebrities #media #price #stardom #fame #privacy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, society invades
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a private
life
Use synonyms
 of stars through the
media
Use synonyms
 who,
as a result
Linking Words
, become victims of their popularity. I opine that popular figures’ privacy should be respected as average
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, as they influence a public trend; it is better that some rules need to be followed. On the one hand, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fans follow idols on social
media
Use synonyms
 and are eager to know about every detail of the stars’
life
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 kind of curiosity affects popular people negatively.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of the
paparazzi
Add a comma
,paparazzi
show examples
 they can not take a walk in public places and have to hide their faces even in their own yard. Trying to shoot every action of a celebrity and to attempt to know secrets of his
life
Use synonyms
 is unjustified, since, everyone has a right to keep it away from the public eye.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, celebrities should obey certain rules
such
Linking Words
 as not consuming drugs, alcohol,
tobacco
Correct word choice
or tobacco
show examples
 and avoiding advertising of bets which is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
one of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 poverty, nowadays. Unfortunately, many rap singers popularize “gangster
life
Use synonyms
” by behaving aggressively, using guns and taking narcotics.
Consequently
Linking Words
, teenagers who follow them have started copying
such
Linking Words
 a lifestyle and,
as a result
Linking Words
, may ruin their
life
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 era of information, celebrities become the main objects of public
media
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 fact arises some issues around the privacy of the figures. I opine that
media
Use synonyms
 platforms should not break the borders of the
stars’
Correct your spelling
star’s
show examples
 private
life
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 those, who are the main influencers, need to be well-behaved and keep a healthy lifestyle in order to affect society in a positive aspect.
Submitted by 200317023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: