IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

ome people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#ome #people #time #career #friends
It is believed
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some individuals that career advancement should be the top priority,
while
 the rest argues that spending time with loved ones and friends. From my perspective, I approve of the second view, and all my explanations
as well as
 some relevant illustrations will be given in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, a mass of people think that money is more crucial than anything else. It can buy happiness, peace, and much more. Many of them always attempt to work extra hours for the purpose of earning more bucks or promotion in work. It is because they do not want to worry about money issues,
for instance
, if their families have a disease, the money can be used without borrowing anyone.
Additionally
, it
also
 depends on people's
honorable
Change the spelling
honourable
show examples
. They do not want to be inferior to their professional peers, which is why some individuals have a desire to be promoted to high positions
such
 as secretaries or managers.
On the other hand
, families and friends should be prioritized more since they are the ones who always love and respect us, no matter what we have done.
Also
, parents can guide us in achieving success and show their children the path that leads to it.
In addition
, human beings need to express feelings
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others,
consequently
, no one is more appropriate than loved ones and peers.
To conclude
,
although
 progressing occupation is pivotal for a person, families and peers are more than that. No one can grow without love and upbringing. Without them, a person's life cannot be bright.
Submitted by soy.jen.0806 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: