The chart above shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.

The chart above shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.
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This
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bar chart depicts the figure of men and women in higher
education
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in Britain in three intervals and whether they were studying
full
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full-time
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time
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education
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or
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part
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part-time
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time
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education
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. It is clear from the graph that
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part
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part-time
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time
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education
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always dominated
the
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apply
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full
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full-time
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time
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education
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.
According to
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what is shown,
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part
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part-time
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time
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education
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in men chart started from a Thousand and
then
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dipped slightly to around 850 after which
finally
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it took place at approximately 900 thousand.
Mans
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Men
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who committed to a
full
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full-time
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time
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education
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, their figures had been increased throughout the period.
Female
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Females
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considering
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part
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part-time
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time
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education
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,
on the other hand
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, consistently increase through all intervals .
Moreover
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, the same description
applicable
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is applicable
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for
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to
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full
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full-time
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time
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education
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which gradually
increase
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increases
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till it
reached
Wrong verb form
reaches
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number
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a number
the number
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of 200 thousand.
To sum up
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, comparing both men and women,
mans
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men
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consider
to be
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being
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less than
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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of
womens
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women
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When we analyze
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part
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part-time
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time
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education
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while
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full
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full-time
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time
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education
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can be taken into account as they are the same approximately.
Submitted by sultanalya7yawi on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, time, part with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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