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Band 3

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now.

#people #health #future
There is a projection that the average
health
 standard of
people
are
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is
show examples
 likely to be decreased in the future. In my point of view,
human
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humans
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 will get healthier than present
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difference
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different
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 factors. In
thiks
Correct your spelling
this
 essay, I will explain two
majory
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major
 reasons to support my opinion. First of all, Scientists have a significant development
of
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in
show examples
 medicine and
health
care
in
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apply
show examples
nowadays. There are many
illness
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illnesses
show examples
 and
disease
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diseases
show examples
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
be
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been
show examples
 solved with new
techqiues
Correct your spelling
techniques
 and medicines. Meanwhile,
People
 can prevent most
of
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apply
show examples
virals and
disease
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diseases
show examples
 with
vacination
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vaccination
vaccinations
.,
such
 as flu and HPV.
Secondly
, it is an imperative trend that Individuals
are being acknowledge
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are acknowledging
show examples
 their personal
health
. One of the
mainly
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main
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 reason is that there are many
educations
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educational
show examples
 work about personal
health
care
 that
have
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has
show examples
 been done by governments, organization and school.
For instance
,
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advertisements
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 personal
hygenic
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hygienic
care
 is notable in many
medias
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media
show examples
,
such
 as print, TV and internet.
Moreover
,
people
are being discipline
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are being disciplined
are disciplining
show examples
on
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in
show examples
healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, they would prefer
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet rather than junk food. And
also
, different activities
such
 as gym room and yoga
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 are popular currently. In conclusion, individuals
care
 and supportive medicine will rewrite the standard of
people
's
health
.
Therefore
, I believe that
average
Correct article usage
the average
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 number of healthy
people
 will
higher
Add a missing verb
be higher
show examples
 in the future.
Submitted by yipcm202 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
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