Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

it has become increasingly common for some
countries
Fix the infinitive
to
show examples
have legal ages at which
people
can
drink
. Other
countries
believe
not
Change preposition
in not
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
strict laws against drinking
alcohol
. But , I think we need to be better to avoid wrongdoing and risk
this
. In an essay , we will discuss
this
problem. No one can deny the fact that the harmful effects of
alcohol
,
life
Correct word choice
and life
show examples
imbalance are the cause of many accidents in the area . The immediate result it produces is
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
alcohol
when they were driving the car , it will have
accident
Correct article usage
an accident
show examples
unexpected. Perhaps the most obvious result of an accident is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
those
people
who encounter it . Nothing could be more apparent than evidence that in Viet Nam , the
alcohol - related
Correct your spelling
alcohol-related
show examples
accident rate is increasing faster than in the past . But
contrasting
Replace the word
contrast
show examples
, drinking
alcohol
is traditional in some
countries
so it is too strict to
drink
it .
this
is some effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
lifestyle with
people
used to
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
alcohol
On the other hand
, one thing which is equally important is that bad health is brought to
people
who use
alcohol
., has several
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
like cause fatigue ,
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
healthy ,
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
memory
Change preposition
of memory
show examples
or
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
life expectancy .
Consequence
Add an article
The consequence
A consequence
show examples
to use
alcohol
over and over is
also
responsible for the problem of healthy like physical and mental results as it reduces jobs and it's behaviours in society . The most familiar example in
viet
Change the capitalization
Viet
show examples
nam many
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
ruined life by
alcohol
. In conclusion , the use of
alcohol
may be traditional in some
countries
but it is more strict than better settled in society . every
people
is responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
behaviours myself
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: