IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries have legal ages at which people can drink. Other countries believe not have strict laws is a better policy. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#countries #ages #people #drink #laws #policy
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it has become increasingly common for some
countries
Use synonyms
Fix the infinitive
to
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have legal ages at which
people
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 can
drink
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 . Other
countries
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 believe
not
Change preposition
in not
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 strict laws against drinking
alcohol
Use synonyms
 . But , I think we need to be better to avoid wrongdoing and risk
this
Linking Words
 . In an essay , we will discuss
this
Linking Words
 problem. No one can deny the fact that the harmful effects of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 ,
life
Correct word choice
and life
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 imbalance are the cause of many accidents in the area . The immediate result it produces is
Use synonyms
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
alcohol
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 when they were driving the car , it will have
accident
Correct article usage
an accident
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 unexpected. Perhaps the most obvious result of an accident is
bad
Add an article
a bad
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 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who encounter it . Nothing could be more apparent than evidence that in Viet Nam , the
Use synonyms
alcohol - related
Correct your spelling
alcohol-related
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 accident rate is increasing faster than in the past . But
contrasting
Replace the word
contrast
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, drinking
alcohol
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 is traditional in some
countries
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 so it is too strict to
drink
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 it .
this
Linking Words
 is some effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 lifestyle with
people
Use synonyms
 used to
Use synonyms
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
show examples
alcohol
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On the other hand
Linking Words
 , one thing which is equally important is that bad health is brought to
people
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 who use
alcohol
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., has several
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 like cause fatigue ,
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
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 healthy ,
lose
Replace the word
loss
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memory
Change preposition
of memory
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 or
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 life expectancy .
Consequence
Add an article
The consequence
A consequence
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 to use
alcohol
Use synonyms
 over and over is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for the problem of healthy like physical and mental results as it reduces jobs and it's behaviours in society . The most familiar example in
viet
Change the capitalization
Viet
show examples
 nam many
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 ruined life by
alcohol
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. In conclusion , the use of
alcohol
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 may be traditional in some
countries
Use synonyms
 but it is more strict than better settled in society . every
people
Use synonyms
 is responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 behaviours myself
Submitted by sinh.ielts on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legal drinking age
  • Underage drinking
  • Health repercussions
  • Addiction
  • Drunk-driving
  • Responsible drinking
  • Forbidden fruit
  • Social rituals
  • Public health
  • Safety framework
  • Risks of alcohol
  • Cultural differences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: