IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obesity and should not be banned. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, obesity has become an integral part of the rising debate in the present scenario.
While
Linking Words
 Proponents of the arguments are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
, even though, the opponents are against the
food
Use synonyms
 culture in the world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the causes of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. To commence with,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are a number of arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of eating
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. The most prominent one is eating uncooked or half-prepared
food
Use synonyms
 will cause some serious health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. The research conducted by Western Sydney University reveals that
people
Use synonyms
 who have lots of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
mostly
Add a missing verb
are mostly
show examples
 affected by obesity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, critics may point out that one of the most significant disadvantages is advertising
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 will attract more
people
Use synonyms
 and it may lead to serious consequences. A survey conducted in the United States reveals that
people
Use synonyms
 may
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 advertising is not the basic issue for increasing
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 of eating. Most
people
Use synonyms
 are having
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
, even not thinking
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 it will affect their health.
Secondly
Linking Words
, promoting
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is easier in the present
due to
Linking Words
 the usage internet everywhere.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even there are a lot of desirable disadvantages to
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. But it will be more helpful for the
people
Use synonyms
 who concentrate most of the time to work. In my opinion, if
people
Use synonyms
 take
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 every day will cause more health issues. So,
people
Use synonyms
 need to think before having
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. To summarise, the advertisement will not lead to promoting
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
. Because, in the world
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is part of our life. So before having the need to think twice.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: