IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is better to grow a child in city than in rural areas, Do you agree or disagree?

#child #city #areas
Some people claim that bringing up kids in urban
areas
 is better than in villages. The following essay will aim at outlining my personal agreement with the statement because not only there
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 more opportunities to study, but
also
 their worldview will be broadened.
To begin
 with, children have more chances
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 in cities.
In other words
, as urban
areas
 are more developed, there is only the best study there.
Furthermore
, if in the rural
areas
, there are numbered schools and pupils have to travel long distances in order to get to school, as there are so many different studying
areas
, it is not a problem to attend there every day, and it is positive impacts their education.
For example
, in the population rate between urban and rural
areas
, there is a huge gap,
as a result
, there is a superior requirement for anything, including studying, so only schools in London make up
two third
Correct your spelling
two-thirds
show examples
 of the schools in the entire country.
Moreover
, with children's chance to be literate, they are able to enlarge their horizons in the cities. To elaborate, if youth in the countryside work on farms until they become an adult, in towns youngsters will improve themselves regularly by attending kindergartens and
then
 primary education, after that, high education will
expect
Wrong verb form
be expected
show examples
 from them. All these circumstances lead to broadening their mind, by facing more issues and a variety of individuals.
For instance
, there are various kinds of populations
as well as
 a variety of crimes in London
in contrast
 to the dull lifestyle of villages outside of London. So in
this
 case, youngsters will be broadened up with more experience in the long run. In conclusion,
according to
 the essay, I strongly believe that it is much better to
grow
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 children in the cities because they have more chances to be literate and their experience of professional life will be superior.
Submitted by nadimanasimova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and supports it with relevant points. The main ideas are adequately developed, but some parts lack coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and effective introduction and conclusion. The structure overall needs improvement to better organize the ideas and improve coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: