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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that the government should be responsible for crime prevention, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the individual to protect themselves. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #crime #prevention #responsibility
Although
 it is sometimes thought that the
government
 ought to be accountable for
crime
prevention
, other
people
 believe that it is the duty of individuals to safeguard themselves. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 the
government
 is responsible for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
prevention
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because we are following the
government
 rules as they taught us,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
,hand
show examples
 I disagree with the
people
,
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
protecting
Wrong verb form
protect
show examples
 their own. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 the
government
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict authority
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
people
, especially when come to
crime
prevention
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 think that the
government
’s responsibility is to protect the nation only, and I agree .in the other words
government
 will take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
faster action against the nation’s danger.
For example
,
group
Correct article usage
a group
show examples
 of
people
 are planning to kill somebody important that working in the
government
 so the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 priority here
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 handle
this
 issue. The country should support the
government
 to help the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
, and the human living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it,
Fainally
Correct your spelling
Finally
government
’s duty is to
protects
Change the verb
protect
show examples
 the
people
 because they have
strict
Add an article
a strict
show examples
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 and huge authority to make everyone scared.
On the other hand
, it is rare to believe that the
government
 will be 24/7 protecting your own car or house.
For example
, you left your car’s doors open and you went to the petrol pump, at
this
 time when a stranger came and steal your house or maybe your car, immediately you will protect yourself
first,
and
then
 you will call the
government
. In conclusion, many
people
 think that the
government
 is not responsible for
crime
prevention
, and in my opinion, we consider part of the
government
, so they did. I strongly agree
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 responsibility is part of the
government
, and part of
individual
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
 to protect the nation.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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