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Band 5

Some old people today struggle with use of modern technologies such as smartphones and computers. What is the cause of this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #struggle #technologies #smartphones #computers
Recently, advanced digital technologies
take
Wrong verb form
have taken
show examples
 a major position in every sector different from the two
last
 decades.
This
 is impactful and helpful for the youth and the adult, who are enjoying used to that kind of tool.
However
, the elders struggle with
this
 condition. There are several limiting factors
such
 as based knowledge and health problems.
This
 essay will elaborate on and give solutions to fix it.
Firstly
, background knowledge becomes the main reason why our grandparents or our parents hard to adapt to some new technologies. Two or three decades ago, they were doing their activities manually.
For instance
, they wrote letters with a pen and
then
 sent them to the post office even though the telephone already existed, they
tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to use the postman services for sending a document. Meanwhile, sending messages, taking pictures, and phoning
provides
Wrong verb form
are provided
show examples
 by small devices called smartphones nowadays.
Moreover
, language becomes a barrier, and the user interface of those devices is hard to operate
due to
 the language option, most of the gadgets use English as the basic language. The second reason is health problems. Modern tools like tablets, smartphones, and laptops display all of the features on the screen. The screen lights can
affect
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 some health problems for elders’ eyes, which reduces visibility. A blue light on smartphones,
for instance
, can reduce the eye's capability to blink and it
is making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 the eye tired easily.
Finally
, the
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 solution to tackle
this
 condition is not to push the Elders to use advanced technology. Let them learn by themselves. Give them a possible reason or show them the main benefits of using that kind of gadget.
Hence
, I strongly believe, they are still able to adapt and enjoy that variety of modern technology.
Submitted by ieltscuns2022 on

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task response
The essay addresses the main reasons why older people struggle with modern technology and provides possible solutions. However, the response lacks clarity and development, as it does not fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack strong connection, and the logical structure is somewhat inconsistent. The essay would benefit from better organization and clearer transitions between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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