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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph given illustrates the number of people who travel to work by three separate means of transport in the UK from 1970 to 2030.

The line graph given illustrates the number of people who travel to work by three separate means of transport in the UK from 1970 to 2030.
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The given line graph represents the total
oil
Use synonyms
 used in four different areas, namely the US,
China
Use synonyms
, Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 &
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East over a 22-year period, starting from 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in the US, Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 and
Japan
Use synonyms
 witness a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite is true for
China
Use synonyms
 and the
Middle
Use synonyms
 East.
Additionally
Linking Words
, US
oil
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 is by far
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
widely-consumed
Correct your spelling
widely consumed
show examples
 over the period shown.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the US
oil
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 ranked highest with nearly 9
million
Use synonyms
, followed by Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 &
Japan
Use synonyms
 with 4
million
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
,
Middle
Use synonyms
 East with exactly 2
million
Use synonyms
 in the first examined year. Following that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
that of Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 &
Japan
Use synonyms
 fall dramatically by 2
million
Use synonyms
 in 2025.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the figure for the
Middle
Use synonyms
 East and
China
Use synonyms
 rise steadily from 2 to 2,5 and 4
million
Use synonyms
, respectively.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is a fluctuation in the US area. Turning next to the total
consumption
Use synonyms
 in the US is below 10
million
Use synonyms
 over a 16-year period
then
Linking Words
 it is forecasted that it will go down
under
Change preposition
to under
show examples
 8
million
Use synonyms
 in 2030. Having a similar trend, albeit less pronounced, the figure for
China
Use synonyms
 and Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 &
Japan
Use synonyms
 witness a small drop of 0,5
million
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the total
oil
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East area
surpass
Correct subject-verb agreement
surpasses
show examples
 Western
Europe
Use synonyms
 &
Japan
Use synonyms
 at 2,5
million
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 it
rise
Change the verb form
rises
show examples
 continuously to around 3
million
Use synonyms
 during the same time frame.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words oil, china, europe, japan, middle, consumption, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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