IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays a few people take their family with them abroad whenever they got on a business trip. Is it a positive or negative in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

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In the tourist ecosystem, there is a common phenomenon when some societies are accompanied by their relatives when they plan to travel abroad for business. From my consideration,
this
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 is a positive development. I agree with the previous issue in view
of
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that
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 they are able to minimize emotions
such
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 as homesickness and they can be assisted which will be extremely meaningful for their trips. In the beginning, people may feel that they will
have
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be
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 homesick when they travel extremely far. It can happen in view of they cannot construct communication directly with their domestic circle which is family members.
However
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, when their relatives go with them, perhaps the written feeling can be minimized.
Consequently
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, the trip for work occasions can be done exceptionally
due to
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 the businessmen do not have to feel lonely and miss their families.
For example
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, my supervisor was accompanied by his wife when he went to another state as a way to avoid feelings of homesickness.
Furthermore
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, having support systems which are capable
to assist
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of assisting
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 someone is exceedingly required.
For instance
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, some family members can give multitudinous suggestions before several business contracts
will be
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are
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 signed. Based on the earlier illustration, people will be helped exceptionally because their relatives can release some constructive recommendations.
As a result
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, inviting internal circles like parents or siblings to accompany us for professional trips can be meaningful in view of we can ask them to assist us in several activities.
In other words
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, we can be more productive.
To conclude
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, I argue that having internal support systems closely during the occupation occasion can be indispensable.
This
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 argumentation comes because someone does not have to feel homesick again and family members can assist him.

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overall
Task response: The response addresses the prompt given, but the ideas could be more fully expanded and the argument would benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic.
overall
Coherence and cohesion: The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of the ideas lacks coherence and the connection between sentences and paragraphs is weak. Use of cohesive devices and logical progression of ideas needs improvement.
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