IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Other think that adults should prevent children from making mistakes Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #adults #children #freedom #mistakes
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Most people think
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
children
 making some
mistakes
 was unforgivable, and some accidents would happen. So they often prevent them and spoke loudly to scare them. But from some people's experience,
children
 should have a range to make some
mistakes
 but
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
 keeping to safety, and they would know that was not correct. In fact, there are only a few
parents
 who agree that
children
 have the freedom to make
mistakes
.
For example
, from these
parents
' experience, most
children
 were not scared of anything in their childhood. They always tried everything like touching fire, climbing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 tree or doing some dangerous activity, so their
parents
 think they only tried these dangerous activities, but it must safely not affect their lives, and when they found that activity would hurt
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
children
 would know that it was dangerous and not correct from their heart. Other
parents
 think they must prevent
children
 from making any mistake that would affect their whole life.
For example
,
children
 make some
mistakes
 like they stole some items in the store and they lie to their
parents
. Nothing happened. Their
parents
 were scared they would become thieves in the future, so they would speak loudly to scare their
children
 not educated to them. Maybe that was useful at
this
 time, but most
children
 would stand up to their
parents
, and
this
 education was the fault
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
I saw. So in my view, I agree that
children
 should have the freedom to make
mistakes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they will be learning how to protect themselves and know what things are correct. That will be a useful education for
children
’s growth.
Submitted by crystal1989.liu on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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