IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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In recent years, lots of
food
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 products have added
sugar
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 so much.
This
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 is a highly controversial topic that
food
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 products have high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
sugar
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 is harmful health of
people
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.
Therefore
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, some experts have a proposal that the
price
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 of
sugar
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to raise. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 and positive aspects of
this
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 topic. Producers of
sugar
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 are high in
sugar
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 prices
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 a good way to encourage
people
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 to control
income
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the income
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 of
sugar
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. Whilst, one of the biggest issues with
climbing
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the climbing
show examples
price
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 of
sugar
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 is that a lot of fond products that have ingredients of
sugar
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 will become princely. The producers sell expensive
sugar
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 to shops or markets.
In addition
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, lead to many
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food
Change to a plural noun
foods
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 is made of
sugar
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also
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 overpriced.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 that very like
sugar
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
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 buy it. So
this
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 view can’t solve
problem
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the problem
a problem
show examples
. What’s more, there are
problematics
Replace the word
problems
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of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
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 suggestion in
live
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life
show examples
. The overpriced
sugar
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many inconvenient aspects in
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
.
Sugar
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 is a useful material.
For instance
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,
this
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 stuff
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 used to make medication or detergent in industry.
Therefore
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, it is unreasonable that
people
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 have to spend much cost to buy
sugar
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 because they have to use
sugar
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 to make dedication and detergent. Combining the two opinions, we can know that
this
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 proposal is completely wrong.
However
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, there is a benefit
with
Change preposition
to
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 increasing the
price
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 of
sugar
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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that some public
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don’t think
sugar
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 is necessary, so they don’t usually buy
sugar
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 or
food
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
made of
sugar
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.
For example
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, some
people
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 always choose cheap
sugar
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 in
market
Add an article
the market
show examples
. But they can’t buy it when
sugar
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 become princely. In conclusion, as can be
seed
Correct your spelling
seen
show examples
 from the points made in
essay
Add an article
the essay
an essay
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, I strongly
opposite
Replace the word
oppose
show examples
this
Linking Words
 view, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overpriced
sugar
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 lead to
market
Correct article usage
a market
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 of chaos with
sugar
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price
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 point brings many problems in
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
.
Therefore
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, I believe that government should publicize
harm
Correct article usage
the harm
show examples
 of
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 income rather than let producers of
sugar
Use synonyms
 raise the
sugar
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ysh424 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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