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Band 5

some people believe that crime is a result of social problem and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature

#people #crime #poverty #person #nature
It would be argued by some that social problems and poverty lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 rise in the rate of
crime
. In my opinion,
however
, offenders are usually bad
people
. On the one hand, the big
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 why some
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
crime
 is a
result
 of social
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and
povety
Correct your spelling
poverty
 is the wider gap between the rich and the poor, as rich
people
 become richer and poor
people
gro
Correct your spelling
grow
show examples
 poorer.
This
 is because when the poor become poorer, they will not be able to meet their basic needs
such
 as medical care, shelter and food.
While
 the rich have too many privileges,
such
 as using luxury items or living in expensive houses. The poor may feel unfair and some of them will become criminals to take the rich's money.
As a
result
, the rate of
crime
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I would argue that
crime
 is a
result
 of
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 person's nature, even if they are not poor.
This
 is because some
people
 who come from rich families
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and gain a good education still become criminals.
For example
, in 2010, the director of ACB
bank
Correct your spelling
Bank
show examples
 was arrested for appropriating client assets.
It is clear that
although
, he is a
peson
Correct your spelling
person
 who understands the law very well , and
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gets paid a lot of money
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 his work but he still turns out to be a criminal.
This
 is
due to
 his bad nature. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 think that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impact of
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
 problem
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to the rise in
cirme
Correct your spelling
crime
, I personally believe that
crime
 is a
result
 of
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 persona.
Submitted by hugoductam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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