IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The three pie chart below show the total school spending in UK in three periods.

This
Linking Words
 illustration shows the distribution of the total amount of money spent by a school
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can say that where they spent the most among the
years
Use synonyms
 is always in
teachers
Check wording
teachers'
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, other
spendings
Check wording
expenditures
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 like furniture and equipment have
been varying
Wrong verb form
varied
show examples
 depending on the
years
Use synonyms
. Looking at the information in more detail, we see that the money spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
workers
Check wording
workers'
show examples
 salaries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been constantly decreasing
, indeed
Punctuation problem
. Indeed
show examples
, in
1981
Punctuation problem
1981,
show examples
 28% of the capital was used to pay their wages, in 1991 it dropped down to 22% and
Linking Words
finally
Punctuation problem
finally,
show examples
 in
2001
Punctuation problem
2001,
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 the investment
putted
Verb problem
put
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 into other
workers
Check wording
workers'
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 wages was just 15%. As I said before, the investment put into furniture and equipment has been varying
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the year
,
Punctuation problem
;
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thus
Linking Words
, in the early 80’s they spent 15% of their total money in goods.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 ten
years
Use synonyms
 later it was no more than 5%. But there is one piece of data that has always been the main consumption of the capital of the school
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
, for every year.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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