IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #information #features #comparisons
The given line graph illustrates the percentage of visitors to England who come to see
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
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 of
atrraction
Correct your spelling
attraction
attractions
such
 as
art
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
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,
pavilion
Fix the agreement mistake
pavilions
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, pier, and
festival
Fix the agreement mistake
festivals
show examples
, in
Brigthton
Correct your spelling
Brighton
start
Change the verb form
starts
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 from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that the number of people who visited
pier
Correct article usage
the pier
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 and festival remained stable,
then
 there was a fluctuation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
who came to
pavilion
Add an article
the pavilion
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. In the
last
, there was a significant decrease in the
art
gallery
. Look at the detail, as regards to
art
Add an article
an art
the art
show examples
gallery
, started from 10% of visitors and rose to around 15% in the next five years.
This
 figure rose to approximately 24%
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the year.
Moreover
, the number of
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 who visited
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
show examples
 was considerably
unchange
Correct your spelling
changed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more or less 30%. As for
pavilion
Correct article usage
the pavilion
show examples
, around 25% of tourists visited in 1980 and followed by
Correct article usage
a sigificant
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sigificant
Correct your spelling
significant
 increase to just under 50%;
this
 figure was the highest number of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 to England among the attractions.
However
, there was
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 decrease to just over 30% in 2010.
For the
Change preposition
The
show examples
last
 attraction type in Brighton was
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
gallery
. Started at just over 20% and
then
 hit the bottom at just below 10%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words art, gallery with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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