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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table gives information how many people visited the Ashdown Museum both before and after it was renovated. The pie chart illustrates the result of a survey which shows the satisfaction of visitors who visited in those periods.

The table gives information how many people visited the Ashdown Museum both before and after it was renovated. The pie chart illustrates the result of a survey which shows the satisfaction of visitors who visited in those periods.
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The table gives information
how
Change preposition
on how
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 many people visited the Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 both before and after it was renovated. The pie chart illustrates the result of a survey which shows the satisfaction of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visited in those periods.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly from the table that the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 increased after it was refurbished.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from the data, there was a significant change in
response
Correct article usage
the response
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 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 that they were more satisfied after refurbishing
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because before the
museum
Use synonyms
 was renovated most of them gave unsatisfying responses. The
visitors
Use synonyms
 who visited the
Museum
Use synonyms
 before it was renovated gave negative responses. In fact, of the 74.000 people that came to that place, there were two-fifths
giving
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 dissatisfied statements.
In addition
Linking Words
, 10 % of them were very dissatisfied. Only 15% of
visitors
Use synonyms
 were very satisfied.
However
Linking Words
, after
renovating
Replace the word
renovation
show examples
, there was a considerable increase in the number of
visitors
Use synonyms
 that came to the
Museum
Use synonyms
 (92.000). Interestingly, they
also
Linking Words
 showed positive responses, in which the percentage of very satisfied went up to 35% and 40% for
satisfying
Replace the word
satisfied
show examples
. In terms of satisfying
response
Fix the agreement mistake
responses
show examples
also
Linking Words
 witnessed a decrease after it has transformed, which was 20 % of them giving very dissatisfying and dissatisfying.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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