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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average monthly use of health club in Miami and Florida by all full-time members in 2017. The pie charts show the age profile of male and female members of this health club. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The images illustrate the activity of full-time
members
Use synonyms
 of a Health club in Florida and Miami during the year 2017, comparing
the installations usage
Change to a genitive case
the usage of the installation
show examples
 by
Female
Fix the agreement mistake
Females
show examples
 and
Male
Fix the agreement mistake
Males
show examples
 which are
also
Linking Words
 divided by age range. Data shows that there are more male
members
Use synonyms
 using the club installations compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
female
members
Use synonyms
 every month. Is it clear that the majority of
gender
Correct article usage
the gender
show examples
 using the installations is the masculine
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 increasing the usage during June, July and August peaking
more
Change preposition
at more
show examples
 than 800
members
Use synonyms
 and it gradually decreases until
december
Change the capitalization
December
show examples
 with 600
usage
Change to a plural noun
usages
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 We can observe a similar growth with the female gender where numbers
increasu
Correct your spelling
increase
increased
 during summer seasons compared to winter with a maximum of 750
members
Use synonyms
 and
maintans
Correct your spelling
maintains
 until
end
Correct article usage
the end
show examples
 of
september
Change the capitalization
September
show examples
. There is
also
Linking Words
 a major trend
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 women and men aged between 21 and 45 years old using the gym facilities and a minority of
members
Use synonyms
 younger than 21 years old using the health club.
Submitted by celinedoultremontt on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words members with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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