Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that video games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Many people, and children of different generations enjoy playing computer
games
.
While
I accept that these
games
can sometimes have a positive effect on the user, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact. On the one hand, video
games
can be both entertaining and educational. Users, or gamers, are transported into virtual worlds which are often more exciting and engaging than real-life pastimes. From an educational perspective, these
games
encourage imagination and creativity,
as well as
concentration, logical thinking and problem-solving, all of which are useful skills outside the gaming context.
Furthermore
, it has been shown that computer simulation
games
can improve users’ motor skills and help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prepare them for real-world tasks,
such
as flying a plane.
However
, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Gaming can be highly addictive because users are constantly given scores, new targets and frequent rewards to keep them playing. Many children now spend hours each day trying to progress through the levels of a game or to get a higher score than their friends.
This
type of addiction can have adverse effects ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school when homework is sacrificed for a few more hours on a computer or console. The rise in obesity in recent years has
also
been linked in part to the sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise that often
accompany
Correct subject-verb agreement
accompanies
show examples
gaming addiction. All things considered, it seems to me that the potential problems of video
games
are outweighed
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
the possible benefits.
Submitted by minhnx2 on

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Task Response
You have provided a clear response to the essay question, including both the benefits and drawbacks of video games. However, ensure that you fully address the question by making it clear whether you believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits or vice versa.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the cohesion of ideas within paragraphs and the overall organization of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Your lexical resource is good, with a wide range of vocabulary used to discuss the topic. Ensure that your word choice and terminology are appropriate and precise, and aim for more variety in linking words and phrases to improve coherence.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures and a varied use of sentence types. To improve further, focus on using a wide range of grammatical structures and ensure that your sentences are error-free.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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