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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places?

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
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People have different views about the best place of raising
children
Use synonyms
city
Use synonyms
 or rural
area
Use synonyms
.
The living
Correct article usage
Living
show examples
 in
city
Use synonyms
 and rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 can have merit
such
Linking Words
 as, better standards of living,
safer
Correct article usage
a safer
show examples
 environment,
however
Linking Words
,
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
a city
show examples
 and countryside can have
demerit
Fix the agreement mistake
demerits
show examples
 namely,
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 environment,
less
Correct word choice
and less
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 to basic needs. Regarding raising
children
Use synonyms
 in metro
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
,
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 advantage
children
Use synonyms
 can have
access
Use synonyms
 to better services namely, education, healthcare,
entertainment
Correct word choice
and entertainment
show examples
.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 advantage,
children
Use synonyms
 can make relationships with people from different cultures and
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
, which means they can see the world from different
angle
Fix the agreement mistake
angles
show examples
. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, there are many disadvantages of upbringing
children
Use synonyms
 in metro
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the rate of crime in big
Use synonyms
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 is very high, which means
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 unsafe places for
children
Use synonyms
,
Secondly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air pollution is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 problem in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
, which means
children
Use synonyms
 are more likely to develop health issues like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 cancer, asthma,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 attack. In term of rural
area
Use synonyms
, the first benefit the rate of crime is low, which mean
chlidren
Correct your spelling
children
 can play without
worry
Wrong verb form
worrying
show examples
 about
become
Change the verb form
becoming
show examples
vcitim
Correct your spelling
victim
 to criminals. The second benefit,
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of air is good, which means
children
Use synonyms
 can stay healthy and away from environmental issues.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 living
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
small
Add an article
a small
the small
show examples
 town.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 have
access
Use synonyms
 to better education and healthcare.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
infrastructure in rural areas
strggule
Correct your spelling
struggles
 with poor services namely, regular maintenance,
improvements
Correct word choice
and improvements
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
 , the are
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 upsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 living in
Use synonyms
city
Add an article
the city
a city
show examples
 and rural
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 including, better quality of life,
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 environment,
however
Linking Words
, there are drawbacks
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 rate of crime ,
less
Correct word choice
and less
show examples
access
Use synonyms
 to basic needs.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Your opinion

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