IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think children's spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #time #tv #video #pc #games
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Some people suggest that it is a good trend that
children
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 spend more
time
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 watching television,
videos
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 or playing computer games,
while
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 others have the opposite view. I think there are some pros and cons to that issue. In
this
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 essay, I will overview both and give my opinion in conclusion.
To begin
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 with, two or three decades before
children
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 spent most of their free
time
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 playing outside, meeting
friends
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 and reading , nowadays a major part of their leisure
time
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 they spent using gadgets. Real
friends
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 are replaced with virtual
friends
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 from online games. They choose to watch TV shows or
videos
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 on YouTube , rather than have a walk or read a book. On the one hand, it is not a bad change.
Firstly
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,it is easier to find new
friends
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 from all over the world by playing online games and improving foreign language skills. Nowadays it is difficult to make new
friends
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 in real life, modern technologies can help to deal with that issue.
Secondly
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, there are some useful
videos
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 and TV shows , which will help with the educational process .
For instance
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, some historical or scientific films or recordings. On the other side,
they
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there
show examples
 are some disadvantages. The main one is health
problems
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, which will be caused by using computers frequently.
For example
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,
problems
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 with the eyes or spine.
Also
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, after some
time
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children
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 will have
problems
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 with socialisation and communication in real life . Virtual life is more easier and comfortable, without
problems
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 and difficulties.
To conclude
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 , my opinion is that
they
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there
show examples
 are some good sides to using modern technologies by
children
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. New contacts all over the world, language improvement, educational
videos
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 or films. But parents and teachers should think about the negative consequences too and take some measures to prevent them.
Submitted by tatjana040792 on

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task response
Ensure to address the views of both sides more comprehensively. Expand on the arguments with more detailed examples and analysis to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Continue to use cohesive devices to connect ideas throughout the essay. Work on improving the flow of information between paragraphs for better coherence.
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