IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many counties there is a shortage in suitable people for essential jods. What do you think are the cause of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

#counties #shortage #people #jods #measures
Staff
shortage
 is an issue that has been discussed by economists for a long time. Especially the lack of high-tech
workers
such
 as doctors, lawyers and engineers, and low-tech
workers
 doing repetitive work. In
this
 essay, I will illustrate the underlying reasons and offer some viable solutions. The
shortage
 of high-tech
workers
 is in part
due to
 structure problems, which means the current educational system can not provide graduates in particular fields to the market. Most of the universities do not get enough support from the government and producing high-tech
workers
 is expensive. One possible approach for the government is to offer additional budgets for those departments that are in line with the trend. One drawback is
this
 might increase the tax pressure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 individuals. Another main reason for staff
shortage
 is people overestimate their ability. It can not be denied that contemporary students are better educated than they were in the past. People believe that they deserve a better job,
thus
, fewer people tend to take a menial or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
repetitive job. A gap year of practice in the middle of college might help students recognize their true value,
although
this
 would require an extra year during college. The
last
, and perhaps the most pivotal factor, is the low wages of these jobs.
This
 problem can not be solved in the
short-term
Correct your spelling
short term
show examples
,
however
, the invisible hand of the free economic market will gradually increase the wages of essential jobs. By way of conclusion, staff
shortage
 can not be solved right away.
However
, I believe that revising the strategy of distributing extra budget,
recognizing
Correct word choice
and recognizing
show examples
Add an article
the self
show examples
self value
Add a hyphen
self-value
show examples
 and high wages are necessary to resolve
this
 problem.
Submitted by almeric923 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: