IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The money spent by government on space program would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #government #space #program #services #schools #hospitals
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It is argued that authorities should invest their funds in infrastructure as opposed to spatial exploration. I completely agree with the proposal and I do believe that it is more beneficial for ordinary citizens. There are many reasons why these activities beyond the earth should be abandoned.
Firstly
, spatial exploration would cost more bills but individuals don’t acquire any benefits.
For example
. the scientists found the new stars and gave them names, which was not meaningful to the citizens.
Secondly
,the astronauts could be killed when they were sent to other planets. Because the practice
to explore
Change preposition
of exploring
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 other planets has many dangers including aliens, harmful rays and so on.
Thirdly
, if the state invests many funds in outer projects, it is a way for politicians to publicize political achievements. The finances should be funded for vital public services. On the one hand, the government spend bills on infrastructure including railway stations, highways and so on, which would improve transport among the mass.
On the other hand
, if education quality and health care would be funded, it would build a stronger nation.
Finally
, when finances were invested in surrounding infrastructure, the citizens would get more convenience.
For instance
, the authorities built up the Three-Gorge Dam for irrigation
and
Correct word choice
apply
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airports for travelling and many parks for entertainment. Having
such
 measures, residents would
be leading
Wrong verb form
lead
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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happier
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In conclusion, my view is that governments ought to pay more attention to
this
 effort that benefits normal inhabitants
instead
 of the impractical programs that consume a large amount of money.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing the essay with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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