IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #study #subjects #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that young
students
Use synonyms
 should learn every subject which is taught at school.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are some opposing opinions stating that learning their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 ones is enough for them.
While
Linking Words
 there are a number of benefits to children who acquire knowledge of many
subjects
Use synonyms
, I would argue that studying the
subjects
Use synonyms
 that they have an interest in offers more advantages. On the one hand, there are several reasons why children can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from learning all
subjects
Use synonyms
. The first reason is that
students
Use synonyms
 having a thorough knowledge of many
subjects
Use synonyms
 can have more job opportunities in the future. Specifically, each occupation requires people a comprehension of some areas,
therefore
Linking Words
, learning the entire subject can diversify
students
Use synonyms
’ choices of working fields. Another reason is that some
subjects
Use synonyms
 can have connections among them.
For instance
Linking Words
, Mathematics is an important element when performing scientific calculations within the field of Physics.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I firmly hold the view that studying solely the preferred
subjects
Use synonyms
 can have more positive effects on
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, these
subjects
Use synonyms
 can provide more motivation for
students
Use synonyms
 to study.
In particular
Linking Words
, since
students
Use synonyms
 would devote more effort to learning those, they are likely to produce a more impressive performance at school.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, learning many
subjects
Use synonyms
 at once can be too overwhelming for children to clearly understand the whole.
Thus
Linking Words
, focusing on a number of
subjects
Use synonyms
 might be the most appropriate approach for them to study more effectively and yield the most
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
. In conclusion, it is undeniable that having an understanding of various
subjects
Use synonyms
 brings juveniles some considerable advantages,
however
Linking Words
, it seems to me that concentrating on the ones that are supposed to be the most suitable for them is more beneficial.
Submitted by dminh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your essay provides a clear discussion of both views and presents a well-defined opinion. However, ensure that you explicitly address all aspects of the prompt in your response to enhance the completeness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay showcases a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Maintain this coherence by using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
What to do next:
Look at other essays: