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Band 6.5

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #study #subjects #school
It is believed that young
students
 should learn every subject which is taught at school.
Nevertheless
, there are some opposing opinions stating that learning their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 ones is enough for them.
While
 there are a number of benefits to children who acquire knowledge of many
subjects
, I would argue that studying the
subjects
 that they have an interest in offers more advantages. On the one hand, there are several reasons why children can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from learning all
subjects
. The first reason is that
students
 having a thorough knowledge of many
subjects
 can have more job opportunities in the future. Specifically, each occupation requires people a comprehension of some areas,
therefore
, learning the entire subject can diversify
students
’ choices of working fields. Another reason is that some
subjects
 can have connections among them.
For instance
, Mathematics is an important element when performing scientific calculations within the field of Physics.
On the other hand
, I firmly hold the view that studying solely the preferred
subjects
 can have more positive effects on
students
.
Firstly
, these
subjects
 can provide more motivation for
students
 to study.
In particular
, since
students
 would devote more effort to learning those, they are likely to produce a more impressive performance at school.
Furthermore
, learning many
subjects
 at once can be too overwhelming for children to clearly understand the whole.
Thus
, focusing on a number of
subjects
 might be the most appropriate approach for them to study more effectively and yield the most
outcome
Fix the agreement mistake
outcomes
show examples
. In conclusion, it is undeniable that having an understanding of various
subjects
 brings juveniles some considerable advantages,
however
, it seems to me that concentrating on the ones that are supposed to be the most suitable for them is more beneficial.
Submitted by dminh on

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Task Response
Your essay provides a clear discussion of both views and presents a well-defined opinion. However, ensure that you explicitly address all aspects of the prompt in your response to enhance the completeness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay showcases a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Maintain this coherence by using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • discover their interests and strengths
  • basic understanding
  • interconnected world
  • higher motivation
  • deeper knowledge
  • mental health
  • reducing unnecessary stress
  • boredom
  • balanced approach
  • successful specialization
  • well-informed perspective
  • solid general education
  • freedom to delve deeper
  • specialized future career path
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