IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Employers should focus on personal qualities of qualifications and experience when choosing someone for job. To what extent do you agree?

#employers #focus #qualities #qualifications #someone #job
Personal qualities and experience must be considered by employers when taking someone for a position. In fact, I agree with that statement for two reasons.
Firstly
, a company which open some job vacancies will announce their needs
specially
Rephrase
especially
show examples
 position with various general requirement.
For instance
, an engineering position is only for someone who has a major in that field. It does not make sense if employers will choose applicants from accountancy because it is much different.
Besides
 that, most departments or organisations require ability in academics. To illustrate
this
 condition, I will take Pertamina, one of the biggest oil producers in
Indonesia
. Pertamina gives a target that the person who will become their employee must have a minimum GPA of 3.0. It can be proven by showing their study transcript
that is
 compatible with the vacancies.
Secondly
, fresh graduates can apply for the job vacancy, indeed experiences will be considered by the company as an advantage.
Consequently
, the company does not need to spend more money to train the candidate. But, in some cases, the applicants who have
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 will ask bigger salary than a new candidate. I believe that
this
 is a crucial point for the companies to define and decide in the final announcement.
For example
, the biggest
bank
 in
Indonesia
,
Bank
Indonesia
 has a recruitment program, namely ODP (Orientation Development Program). In the program,
Bank
Indonesia
 will give a chance
not
Fix the infinitive
to not
show examples
 only new employees who have experience but
also
 fresh graduates. There is no gap between the two categories of employees. It is given because
Bank
Indonesia
 will make sure that they have the same ability and competency
to begin
 their job.
Finally
, in conclusion, I believe that both qualifications and experiences are
huge
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
crucial for institutions and become a determining factor of success.
Submitted by donihabiburrahman8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, and that your essay follows a logical structure.
Task Achievement
Provide a fuller development and elaboration of your ideas to fully address the prompt.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: