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In many countries, traditional foods are being replaced by international fast food. This is having a negative effect on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#countries #foods #food #effect #families #societies
There is no room for doubt that in
this
 contemporary society, eating plays an important role in shaping most of our aspects of life. Indeed, one topic that, to an extent, has raised worldwide controversy is some
people
 think that international
food
 which replaced traditional foods may
cause
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative effect on families and societies. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
 statement
due to
those reason
Change the determiner
that reason
those reasons
show examples
 which related to modern life and sanitation.
Firstly
, international foods are inevitable because the
food
 is consistent with the fast-paced modern lifestyle. Clearly, Fast
food
, which is fast and
not
Add a missing verb
does not
show examples
 waste time to cook but easy to eat, is now suitable for
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
 generations.
Therefore
, it is witnessed
Change preposition
as the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear advantage for
people
 nowadays who have a tendency to work intensively.
For instance
, fast
food
 is now considered the most popular
food
 in America whose environment is active and accelerated.
Consequently
, it is an effective way to receive sufficient nutrition for busy
people
.
Secondly
,
although
such
 foreign nutriment is rumoured to be unsafe, it is standardized by strict quality by WHO. Clearly, to have a big influence on society now, its quality needs to overcome the sanitation law, which has been already
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
 in the EU and the USA.
On the contrary
, some strict
food
 looks even more toxic than the foreign one.
As a consequence
, it may help
people
 adopt the strict environment more safely than going outside and keep a balanced diet as much as possible.
To conclude
, considering the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in the above paragraphs, I suggest
people
 need to have an objective observation about fast
food
.
Submitted by dongdangnguyensi on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure and the ideas are not effectively connected.
task response
The introduction lacks a clear restatement of the prompt and the conclusion is too abrupt. Additionally, the response lacks depth and the ideas are not fully developed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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