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Band 5.5

In many countries, the government prioritises economic growth above all other concerns. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

#countries #government #prioritises #growth #concerns
Governments take less care of all other development areas than economic growth. It has a lot of advantages because the
economics
 of the country can boost other important areas.
On the other hand
, some countries may pay not enough attention to the other concerns.
Firstly
, in developed countries where
economics
 in a high level, we can see a trend of growth in all other aspects of life quality.
For example
, we have some countries with the biggest GDP, it is China, the USA, Britain, Japan etc. Education in
this
 land is the best
one
.To illustrate, We have 50% of the top universities in the world are located in the United States of America. The greatest healthcare structures are located in China. In the land of the rising sun, we have the best technological inventions in the world. Britain has an impact on the whole world.
Secondly
, By raising the GDP bigger, we are
also
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 other spheres of development. the reason for
this
 is that we need production to sell more, to use money and to move
economics
.
As a result
, people are working more and more and creating all of the circumstances for themselves.
However
, it might be bad
due to
 several problems related to the happiness of citizens. When the goal of earning cash is in the first place, everybody needs to work as hard as they can.
As a result
, unhappiness among the masses starts to
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
.
One
 clear example is Japan, which is rated as the number
one
 country with the
suicide
Correct word choice
highest suicide
show examples
 rate among adults. Working hard leads to unsatisfactory with life and that might be very harmful to humanity. In conclusion, I believe that we have to prioritize
economics
. But the number
one
 priority is the lives of people and their happiness.
Submitted by muharodnoy on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the task are addressed, providing a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to create a more cohesive structure and link ideas together more effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • quality of life
  • standard of living
  • infrastructure development
  • employment opportunities
  • environmental impact
  • wealth disparity
  • modernization
  • sustainable development
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • industrialization
  • ecological footprint
  • capital investment
  • urbanization
  • economic prosperity
  • fiscal policy
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