with the pressure on today's young people to succeed academiclly,some people believe that non-academic subjects at school(eg:physical education and cookery )should be removed from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on acedemic subject.To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#pressure #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #children #acedemic

I definitely disagree with that because not all children are good at the department.

Therefore

these subjects must be included to benefit those who are not better in the institute. Other students prefer and understand practical skills than theory. These kids have amazing and higher marks

while

they find it hard to understand other subjects.

Therefore

, children must have an opinion of what they want to study

due to

how comfortable they are and their mindset .Parents have to be supportive of their offspring in what they believe in.

Furthermore

, we have a bakery that produces bread, cakes, scones and much more stuff because of that skill of cookery. We have hotels, restaurants and other food places that need people with that skill. Modelling, football, etc have great achievements in our nation ,

Change the punctuation

apply

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Furthermore

Add a comma

,Furthermore

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our kids have to be supported at all costs. In conclusion, l turn to disagree with discounting physical education and cookery.

This

is benefiting children who have challenges in academics. We are not all good with the staff.

Submitted by isabeldube30 on Mon Jun 12 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

171 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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with the pressure on today's young people to succeed academiclly,some people believe that non-academic subjects at school(eg:physical education and cookery )should be removed from syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on acedemic subject.To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Society would benefit from a ban on all kinds of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In most countries disabled people are not catered for adequately, e.g. buildings are often inappropriately designed. Governments rely too heavily on charities and voluntary organizations to provide assistance and funding. What further measures could be taken to assist disabled people. Discuss.

Students should be completely free to choose whether to study or play games. They should be allowed to manage their own time. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

Fewer young people play sports these days. why is this? what can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?