IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #career #path #lives #life #change #jobs
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As a young adult, thinking of a
career
 path is very vital. It motivates you to keep on moving forward to achieve your
dream
job
. Some people say that knowing early your desired
job
 and staying with it will likely bring more satisfaction in
life
 compared to those who often change careers. In my opinion, chasing your
dream
job
 would benefit more a
person
's
life
. Parents would usually ask their kids what they want to be when they grow up. It may seem a dumb question for a youngster but
according to
 research studies, honing a child's mindset on what
career
 they want in the future brings
life
 satisfaction.
Firstly
, knowing what
job
 you want as a kid would already open a path for them to take and really plan for it.
For instance
, in the Philippines, adults would always ask their children what they want to be in the future. In
this
 way, parents would be able to help their children start the journey for their children to reach their desired
dream
 work.
Secondly
, knowing early what you want to be would mean you would be doing the
job
 that you have been dreaming of for longer years
thus
 making it more enjoyable. There is a research study in Singapore, as an example, of comparison between the
life
 of a
person
 who is doing their
dream
job
 and those who are frequently changing careers. Based on the study, a
person
 who does their desired work is happier in
life
 than those who keep changing.
This
 may be
due to
 the fact that a
person
 who landed on their desired
job
 need not worry much about what next
job
 they should look for in the future.
On the other hand
, there are people who are
also
 constantly changing jobs for some reason. One of them is that they want to know which
career
 really suits them. By trying every
job
, a
person
 could have a first-hand experience of each
career
 and afterwards will be able to decide which one they want. To illustrate, those people who are on a working holiday visa usually avail of
this
 visa for the reason that they want to try different jobs so that when they go back to their motherland, they know what
career
 path they want in
life
. To recapitulate, knowing early what desired
job
 you want in
life
 is more beneficial as it will give you
more longers
Correct your spelling
longer
show examples
 years to do what you love to do compared to ones changing jobs.
However
, as the saying goes, it does not matter how long your journey will be as long as
thru
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 that journey you
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 happy and satisfied,
that is
 all that matters.
Submitted by eric.benedict520 on

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task response
Your essay provides some good points, but it lacks depth in analyzing the issue. It is important to address both sides of the argument and provide a more balanced view with supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
There is an attempt to follow a logical structure, but the introduction and conclusion could be more comprehensive. Additionally, the essay would benefit from clearer paragraph organization and smoother transitions between ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates adequate use of vocabulary and presents a range of ideas. However, to improve lexical resource, aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is satisfactory, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and errors in verb tense consistency. Focus on using complex sentence structures and varying sentence length to enhance grammatical accuracy.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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