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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given graph illustrates the number of
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 and
openings
Use synonyms
 in a particular country in the period between 2011 and 2018. In 2011, approximately 6400
shops
Use synonyms
 have been closed
while
Linking Words
 approximately 8500 new
shops
Use synonyms
 have opened. The trend of
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 has gone down to 4000 by 2012
whereas
Linking Words
,
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 have gone down by approximately 5000. Both trends have gone up in 2013 with about 7100
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 and 5000 new
shops
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, by 2014 number of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed and opened had grown nearly equal with 6500
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 and 6400
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
. In 2015, a significant reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
shops
Use synonyms
 that closed can be seen with only 600
shops
Use synonyms
. In that same year, 4000 new
shops
Use synonyms
 opened. The trend of
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 can be seen as approximately constant over the next couple of years until 2017 with 4000 to 4100
shops
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 have gone up to 5100 in 2016 and remained constant until 2018. In 2018, only 3000 new
shops
Use synonyms
 have been opened.
Overall
Linking Words
shop
Use synonyms
closures
Use synonyms
 have been revolving around between 5000 to 7100 with an exception in 2015
whereas
Linking Words
,
shop
Use synonyms
openings
Use synonyms
 have shown a huge variety in numbers over the 8 years.
Submitted by sandaminiv99 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words shop, closures, openings, shops with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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