IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making comparisons where relevant.
#bar #numbers #men #women #courses #adult #education #centre #year #information #ages #course #participants #summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the information about gender joining various courses in the evening at an adult education centre in 2009 and the pie chart presents the proportion of ages of the attendants.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most activities
were join
Change the verb form
were joined
show examples
 by females more than males and most of them were 50
years
Use synonyms
 old or above.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart, it’s clear that women
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in language 40
persons
Use synonyms
, followed by painting, drama, and sculpture, with the figures being 30, 20 and 5
persons
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
painting
Add an article
the painting
show examples
 was the highest number interested by men with 25
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
, come after by language
20
Change preposition
with 20
show examples
Use synonyms
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
. Interestingly, the figure of drama and sculpture are similar with 10
persons
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 each course. Apparently, the highest number of attendant ages was occupied by
elder
Add an article
an elder
show examples
 with 50
years
Use synonyms
 old or over,
while
Linking Words
 the youngest people
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
years
Use synonyms
 old
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the least attended.
In addition
Linking Words
, the middle ages in both 30-39 and 40-49
years
Use synonyms
 old participated
16
Change preposition
at 16
show examples
% and 26% respectively.
Submitted by foamary41 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, persons with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: