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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Discuss the causes of rising unemployment in some regions or countries and the potential effects of them on society.

#unemployment #regions #countries #effects #society
There are many problems in the world. One of the big problems is rising unemployment in some regions. There are many reasons for
this
problem
. Nowadays the number of
people
 is increasing and it is affecting our society so badly.
Besides
, there is not enough employment for young
people
. To tell the truth, young generations are our future and we should focus on their life and behaviour. Unemployment is increasing day by day so we should find a solution to
this
problem
.
On the other hand
, these days many children do not want to study in school or go to extra lessons. Their parents should give them attention and be hard on them. If they do not give them attention, their children can not find the role of life. If someone has a good experience in any work, they can easily find a job. The main
problem
 is many
people
 have not
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
good knowledge about jobs.
In addition
,
this
problem
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 affected our society badly so
that is
 why most
people
 feel hungry and do not have enough money to do useful things.
Also
, many children do have not enough food to eat, possibly learning about the subject.
To conclude
, the government should help every poor or unemployed person. If we help them our society
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 be better
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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logical structure
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Consider organizing your points into clear paragraphs, each with a central idea.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, but they are not fully developed or clear. Work on introducing the topic and providing a definitive summary of your points in the conclusion.
supported main points
The points you make in support of your argument need to be more developed and specific. Provide clear examples or evidence.
complete response
You have addressed the task but your response is incomplete and lacks development. Expand on your ideas and provide a deeper analysis of the causes and effects of unemployment.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are present but not coherently expressed or expanded. Clarify your points and enhance the comprehensiveness of your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Your essay lacks specific examples to bolster your arguments. Include relevant, specific examples to support your claims about unemployment and its effects on society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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