IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts show the percentages of film release and ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 (romance, drama, comedy, fantasy).

The bar charts show the percentages of film release and ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 (romance, drama, comedy, fantasy).
#bar #show #percentages #film #release #ticket #sales #romance #drama #comedy #fantasy
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar charts illustrate the
porportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
release
Add an article
the release
show examples
 of
films
Use synonyms
 and the
corespondingsales
Correct your spelling
corresponding sales
 of tickets
according to
Linking Words
 4 genres of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
movies (
drama
Use synonyms
,
comedy
Use synonyms
, fantasy
amd
Correct your spelling
and
romance
Use synonyms
) between 1996 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
drama
Use synonyms
 saw the highest percentage of the
films
Use synonyms
debuted
Correct pronoun usage
that debuted
show examples
while
Linking Words
comedy
Use synonyms
 contributed the highest proportion of ticket
sales
Use synonyms
. Apart
fro
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 that, all types of genres experienced
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
releaseand
Correct your spelling
release and
released
sales
Use synonyms
 of tickets except
romance
Use synonyms
. In
termsof
Correct your spelling
terms of
films
Use synonyms
relased
Correct your spelling
released
, as high as 25%
Use synonyms
drama
Change preposition
of drama
show examples
 was released in 1996, but the figure was only 20% for
comedy
Use synonyms
. 4 years later, the value increased by 9% for the former and 5% for the latter.
Similarly
Linking Words
, fantasy saw
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 gradual increment over the period (about 4%).
Romance
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, remained static in the percentage of
films
Use synonyms
 produced, at slightly over 5%. In terms of ticket
sales
Use synonyms
,
comedy
Use synonyms
 persistently topped the chart, with 20% from the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 and increased
furtherto
Correct your spelling
further to
further
 23% after 4 years.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
drama
Use synonyms
 witnessed
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 increment of about 1%throughout the period. Ticket
sales
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 fantasy and
romance
Use synonyms
 were not high, with only 3 and 5% in 1996 respectively, but the figure for
romance
Use synonyms
 plummeted after 4 years to hit a low of 2%.
Submitted by emgmei on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "similarly".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words films, drama, comedy, romance, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: