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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.
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The table reveals how
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who are not actively employed spent their
time
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 like to spend
time
Use synonyms
 sitting around doing nothing
as well as
Linking Words
 staying in bed. It is observed that most
men
Use synonyms
 in the morning spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 hunting for jobs.(22% of
men
Use synonyms
), 20% spend
time
Use synonyms
 shopping and 14% engage in gardening. Only 4% watch Tv and 3% sit around doing nothing.
However
Linking Words
, 19% of
men
Use synonyms
 spent
time
Use synonyms
 doing house chores in the morning. In the
afternoon
Use synonyms
 most
men
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 (14% ) spend their
time
Use synonyms
 watching television,13% on gardening and 12% on job search and visiting friends and relatives. It was recorded ,
however
Linking Words
, that only 1% of
men
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 stay in bed and 9% sit around doing nothing in the
afternoon
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, almost half of
women
Use synonyms
 spent their entire morning doing housework (49% of
women
Use synonyms
), 26% spend their mornings shopping and 16% invested
time
Use synonyms
 in job hunting. Only 1% of unemployed
women
Use synonyms
 played sports and 2% engaged in gardening and watching Television. In the
afternoon
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, the majority of females still do housework (21% of
women
Use synonyms
) and 11% do shopping or visit friends and relatives. No woman stays in bed in the
afternoon
Use synonyms
 or plays
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and 13% spend
time
Use synonyms
 looking for jobs.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, time, afternoon with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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