Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technological advances in children’s entertainment have been spread widely, and it is quite addicting.
However
Linking Words
, the reason offspring prefer playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
rather than sports is the convenience of playing digital
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will elaborate on the negative impacts caused by
this
Linking Words
phenomenon. The main cause of kids’ addiction to playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
is they give kids satisfaction and end up as addiction.
Although
Linking Words
kids sit in front of their computers all day, they are satisfied without getting tired physically.
For example
Linking Words
, my
twelve-years
Correct your spelling
twelve-year-old
show examples
nephew could spend three hours in a row playing his PS5 and only took a 10-minute (adjective) break to eat, and started again. The great visuals and movement provide players with great gaming experiences. Meanwhile, the satisfaction comes from levelling up and it triggers children to play until reach the highest level.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is hindering children
to play
Change preposition
from playing
show examples
outside like people did 20 years ago. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
is a negative development for children’s growth phase.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
age range is the perfect period to learn and exercise their body
such
Linking Words
as in gymnastics,
basket
Correct your spelling
basketball
show examples
, or ballet. Because of their addiction to the digital world, they could not achieve
this
Linking Words
golden period.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a viral
video
Use synonyms
showing a child screaming because his mother took the computer before he finished his school task. It is the best representative of the negative impact that children could have.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the child’s health will undeveloped and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
follow real-life activities. In conclusion, the convenience and satisfaction of playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
play a pivotal role in children’s activity
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, unless parents take full control of their kids’ activities, they will have several issues in health and growth aspects.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons children prefer playing video games over sports, and it concludes that it is a negative development. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced approach, considering both the positive and negative aspects of this trend.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state the position of the essay. The main points are supported and explained with relevant examples. However, there are certain points where the coherence and cohesion could be improved for better flow and organization of ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: