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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph gives information about male and female gym membership between 1980 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #gym #membership #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line chart provides information about how many
men
Use synonyms
 and women
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
 gym subscriptions over a thirty-year period, from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the gym membership was predominantly by
men
Use synonyms
 in the first ten years before being replaced by the counterpart in the middle and the
last
Linking Words
 year. To start with, in the first year,
men
Use synonyms
 stood at 2,000 individuals, which
then
Linking Words
 increased to approximately 4,000
people
Use synonyms
 before falling significantly to about 2,800
people
Use synonyms
 in 1995. In the following year, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 went up dramatically and reached its peak
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 just over 5,000
people
Use synonyms
, which
then
Linking Words
 declined sharply to the lowest point
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 only under 1,000 members in the
last
Linking Words
 period. Turning to
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 membership, it began with just around 1,000
people
Use synonyms
, which
then
Linking Words
 rose steadily to nearly 3,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1995 before decreasing slightly to just over 2,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2000, followed by rising back to its previous position in 2005 at around 3,000
people
Use synonyms
.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the end of the period given, the number of women declined to a little less than 2,000
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nadiasyifaa on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • membership trends
  • male and female comparison
  • notable increase/decrease
  • fluctuations
  • consistently
  • peak points
  • divergent patterns
  • parallels in trends
  • correlation
  • timeframe
  • cultural shifts
  • awareness of fitness
  • significant differences
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